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Authors’s Note: The article was a part of my monthly Radical Love column at – the column was where I wrote about redefining a love in a radical way at the intersection of being Muslim, woman, and brown.“I have some questions about things you’ve written about,” John asked last week. But as a teenager – all I knew was that I was rebelling against my parents’ traditional ideas.

Of course, I never acted on my crush – dating was haram, and my parents would never allow it. As a brown girl, I wasn’t attractive to these boys either. I was always the sidekick to the pretty girls – the geeky, nerdy, student government, asexual, “other” Muslim brown girl.

But your situation seems so difficult.”I side-eye him. By the time I was in high school, this taste was fully developed.

It felt hypocritical to my political beliefs to be dating white. Talk about how your parents own their house, but don’t talk about how it was almost taken away, or how you the roof leaks now and there’s no money to fix it.

I had overwhelming student loans, made much less money then him, and in those years right after September 11, I stopped being able to fly and was harassed on those Washington, D. Even I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening to my South Asian and Muslim communities – how could he could ever understand? People haven’t forgetten about Gandhi.”***When you are dating as a woman of color, it’s a struggle. You wonder what your significant other will say when they see the peeling paint on the walls of your parents’ house, or the roof that needs repair.

Around the 2004 election season cycle, our relationship started getting tense. But when you are “poor” and dating, the struggles are nuanced and different. How what you thought was a middle class home will be perceived as less than when viewed by privileged eyes.

I was going to be looking at him the rest of my life.”Whenever I asked her who was I supposed to marry, she’d always say it’d be an arranged marriage like hers – to a good Bangladeshi Muslim boy.

Weird how life works out.***One late night during Ramadan as I binge scrolled through my Facebook feed, I saw a picture of my Ex.

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