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Harris emphasizes that the problem of dating is not solved by “dating right.” In “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” Harris reiterates that dating itself is “an approach to relationships that wants to go in a different direction than the one God has for us.” Nor can Christians redeem the process: “the boyfriend/girlfriend exclusiveness of the dating system is based on a self-seeking, pleasure-seeking attitude toward relationships,” Harris warns in “Dating Problems.” Far from trying to rescue dating from our human selfishness, Harris advocates courtship as promoting the right attitude and approach to relationships.

In Harris’s view, the arc of a godly romantic relationship progresses from friendship, to courtship, then engagement, and, finally, marriage.

In reality, dating is an artificial environment—a break from real life and away from real relationships.

The couple may think time alone allows them to get to know each other, but actually they only gain a false sense of knowledge.His analysis and advice, however, has been more harmful than helpful.Harris fails to understand the relationship culture he critiques.One family wrote guidelines for their daughter’s courtship, and held the couple accountable to them.Another father saw his daughter’s waning interest in a man, and told his daughter’s suitor that he needed to show more affection.

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